Monday, February 8, 2010

Read CARNE VALE (Mardi Gras, Carnival season is here) Rick Waters Carny Fiction

The upcoming holidays are fast approaching.

Chinese New Year: Geng Yin (Year of the White Tiger) February 14th, 2010

Fat Tuesday February 16th (Mardi Gras)

Our favorite time of year is here. Not only do we have a new fiction titled CARNE VALE - Flesh Farewell, we also are fans of Geng Yin AND Mardi Gras. Next week will be spent celebrating just enough to be sure that we are really celebrating this year of prosperity and determination. "This year is the best year in a long time for an Aquarian born in the age of Aquarius. This year we say Farewell to the Flesh in the most symbolic and important festivals and celebrations of the year.

We welcome you to begin reading "CARNE VALE" and subscribing to the author of this and other great blogs online. The streaming information comes refreshed and uploaded daily via internet feeds, micro blogs, social networks, personal brands, and domains.

"Who Dat"

With the New Orleans Saints winning the Super Bowl, expect Fat Tuesday to extraordinary indeed. We will report from Bourbon Street all next week. Subscribers to CARNE VALE get special content directly from the author upon request.

FD Walsh

SUBSCRIBE TO "CARNE VALE"

Introduction of Internet Streams (Pt 2)

Ask people who use the internet what they think of it today, and most will tell you that the think they know how to get around pretty well. The truth is, they really don't know what they're talking about. The next wave of internet savvy user will have more choice, closer relationships, and become better informed. The information they follow will be the information from friends who are connected and not only do they travel and use the internet for their own benefit, the broadcast a stream of their history as they go.

Portable, relevant, and digital, this stream of information will let friends and followers see what they saw, like it or not. The more social that the internet becomes, the more real the internet becomes. No longer will the flow of information be shaped by the writers, programmers, and businesses that promote it, but backing up each bit of information you can find on the internet, there will soon be a follow-up to the data. The follow-up comes from the websites and portals of streams that break down to each person who initiates a connection through one of the most popular and not so popular websites available today.

The practice is being used today on portable devices and desktops around the world. The most visited sites today are those that have hundreds of millions of users interacting with each other outside of business. The sites are using cookies and tracking software embedded in advertiser paid ads. So goes the way of the stream. Instead of a group of followers and fans leaving behind crumbs that others can find and follow, they will be reviewing and recommending not through words% but through actions. Traffic will be organically generated by a stream search bar which takes an excerpt of the information being viewed. Keywords will be used to find friends that share similar information and actively connect using a stream to interact with their friends. Here's an example of what I find most interesting about the whole stream thing. Imagine this: Sean Walsh is getting on the #25 train from the West Belt to Rice University in Houston. The trip takes forty two minutes and instead of cracking a book to study for his midterms he pulls his research pad out from his favorite rucksack, the on the had from his first year in high school. The leather is worn but it it reminds him of his parents, they always wanted him to excel in his studies and his pack proves that they are always on his side. With his pack on his lap and his research pad turned on and immediately he gets notification from his friends. Good morning Sean! Sarah is only other person from high school that goes to Rice and is always one first to say hello. Sarah leaves good mornings on stream the night before so when her friends log on they all now that she was thinking of them.

Sean smiles as he thinks of the small girl with dark hair who has become a great friend since coming to university. Sean minimizes Saran's notice to find a red alert flashing in his task bar. He clicks on the little red exclamation point to see his friend Rick Water's avatar come up in a separate window. Rick's status says "I have the Bio Research Notes on my blog" next to it is the link to his blog and when Sean clicks on the link, Rick is notified that one of his friends utilized his notes.

Sean, Sarah, and Rick are going to be the core group of users who have been utilizing social networks for most of their life. As they expanded their social circles at home, they also advanced their social circles world-wide. These kids will organize the world in such a way that no longer will advertisers be able to create information that will inevitably be read, they risk losing touch with the true user of information online and what they are enjoying unless they are a part of the lifestyle these users interact with. The local economy will be trimmed down to the truest of recommended and trusted shops and retailers. The streaming internet will be partial, private, and most of all, wanted by anyone who wants to be seen online. When Sean, Sarah, and Rick let you into their stream you will be able to take advantage of their expertise, their insight, their knowledge.

So Rick's research pad may be a great tool for him now, what, the iPad changed along with the Kindle. The manufacturer of the research pad rick uses included the best computing, reading, and traditional work tools all in one too. Rick can download and read any book in the world, he can write a book and publish it quickly, he can surf the web, internet, email, but all he really uses it for is school and stream gathering. Following the links his stream shows him or the part of the stream is likes to follow on that day.

rick gets streams from 192 of the best online friends you can find. He selected these streams because they are all relevant to him. to his likes and dislikes, his favorite sports team, race car driver, Rice University professors, classmates, and even from Trudy at his job. Trudy still likes cartoons and even though Sean won't admit it, he does to. So he can see what Trusy has been up to whenever he likes because his stream subscription have everything he needs to get the news he uses and nothing else.

Forget about keywords people, think

Friday, January 29, 2010

Say Hello to Internet Streams (Pt 1)

Say Hello to Internet Streams (Pt 1)

Where are you going and where have you been?

Even before making their first dollar online, bright online content developers need to understand what it takes to see their dreams through to reality. People like me know more than they can do and do as much as they can. I have been known to mix things up.

This year there is change in my approach, call it a maturing of the procedure. You and I are expecting to see some good things from Powerfitz Publishing and the content that will be produced in 2010. As a writer I am becoming more aware how valuable each word can be, that is why I am building my very own base of content to market rather than selling it away for practically nothing. "Learn how I made the switch."

Every write needs to look at where they stand against someone like me, I'm poised to make a name for myself and the only things I had when I started was a computer and the internet. If you can write you can make money online. Work for someone else and it's a job. Work for yourself and you have the possibility of making it very big indeed.

Here's a little secret that's not really a secret...

"Content Marketing is what everyone wants right now, and search engines are rewarding streams of original content with the best search results." They might call it a band wagon but I call it band width and with the recent introductions of both Amazon Kindle and now the iPad from Steve Jobs and Apple, The writing for money online trend is moving in a direction that benefits writers and authors and readers alike. The demand for original content to fill the huge amounts of Kindle and Ipad disk space is creating new business models from which to earn an income.

If you are not sure which direction to take your content management, consider keeping it all for yourself and making money from it? The smartest authors are building a private library of "on demand" content that people can come and grab whenever they like. Fans and followers from Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn allow authors and readers to connect.

A business model of content management based on the theory that as the internet evolves into "streams", a business must have "content" first. Take in account that to build a stream with followers takes on average a year or more before any revenue can even begin to be created.

"How far behind are you willing to get?"

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Pamona 2010 (14 days and counting)

Pamona 2010 Kicks off the Full Throttle NHRA Drag Race Season in 14 days

You know it. The NHRA is back on again in fourteen days and that means that for Team Nitrousfitz and B&D Racing, the season is just a few short weeks away. Right now, the off season was filled with things to do. "It looks like the season will have it's own obstacles too, new and old. The Chevelle project is moving, but appears not to be finished by the time the 2010 drag racing begins for the three drivers and their team at Team Nitrousfitz and B&D Racing. Both dragster came off the end of last year with solid runs. SP4550 is ready right out of the box to win the first race a Houston Raceway Park. The News is big this year and the opportunity is great.

If you didn't know it, the NHRA is introducing Top Sportsman and Top Dragster to the lineup of races at National NHRA drag races. This makes it possible for two out of the three drivers of Team Nitrousfitz to have a showing at a national event this year. The registration procedures are making it hard for us to get in the race, but if this pattern continues, we will surely find our way into all the division 4 national events that feature either the Top Sportsman or Top Dragster classes. "It's what the team was built up to do, to get into the races involves having good results at other divisional events and attendance at more circuit races throughout the year.

We will be watching when we can, and racing when we can, all year. Come and say hello! Give us a shout out on your own blog, or just come back and read what else is going on down here in Texas. We're "Racing for Money" in the NHRA with three different class vehicles, Super Pro 4550, Top Sportsman 46 (2009), and Top Dragster 4200, Team Nitrousfitz.

- R Fitzhenry-Walsh

The Year of the Author

The Year of the Author

This year is turning out to be just like they said it would. Literary agents, publishers, and even authors have noticed that wherever they look, there is a new writer working or an experienced author writing more. Connect this trend with the explosion of social media and an American economic slump, there are more writers working from home offices than ever before.

Just ask Nathan Bransford what is different this year than past years, and he'll tell you that there are more queries being sent into publishers and agents than ever before. The reason is simple and it gives authors hope that if it continues they can make a good living creating stories and taking notes of facts about what people on the internet are looking for. Content is King and content marketing is the prince that will carry on the lineage of quality writing pays when it is produced "on demand" and has a following ready to read and rate it's quality. The signs were there all year long, National Writing Month set the ball in motion, and now the best time to prepare a great work of fiction for the internet is right now.

If you're a writer but you are a new writer I can tell you that I know you, you and me are alike. I am a writer who started writing because my reality changed and I agreed to change with it. I am not just another sheep in the crowd though, I am the black sheep. "Here's how I plan on getting myself heard through all the baaaaing."

#1 Write More (How to, Revenue Share, Website content, tagging, categorizing, novels, links, blog)
#2 Social More
Facebook
Twitter
Website
New options
#3 Bookmark More (Social Marker)
#4 Talk More (Blog Radio)
#5 Record More (NHRA, New Fiction)
#6 Organize More (Calendar, Schedules, Meetings)

These are all difficult and time consuming tasks. Each one has it's rewards and by following along a schedule of activity that is effective, you can become as good as you want to be, or purport to be, or are. The internet has not offered more opportunity to the lowly writer than right now. I am leading the way with my marketing as I get the content rolling out that will make the most residual income over the long haul.

Royalties will allow me to pursue the rest of my dreams, and writing about what I dream about is a great place to start earning money from the things I love to do.

- FD Walsh

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The Netter Report for 01/26/10

Here is a short list of sites I have visited this week. The basis for these results is my need to inform myself more about the creative ways people are using the internet to their advantage when determined to create new, original works that attract visitors, followers, and sponsors to the programs being presented.

"All links are supported by their own teams of support techs and creators." "This is only a list of my travels this week."


The Freelance Toolset: 10 Web Apps for everything

Timothy McSweeneys Internet Tendency

Getting an ISBN in America

Here are three to start and more to come.

I suggest you visit Flesh Farewell and see what else is coming down the pipe for the newest breakthrough fiction writer FD Walsh.



Thursday, January 14, 2010

Novelists

I'm scouring the internet for news on the publishing world. What was common place just five years ago is now taboo. It seems that one good thing that came out of the economic down turn is there were more new novelists born in 2009 than any other year on record. Now that the books that were written last year, including the thousands of titles written in November for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).

The changes don't stop there. "Publishing is not the same".

Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Walden Books are just a few of the big names in book selling. They were supplied by publishers from around the world, new authors fell under the spell of their first literary agent, the manuscript was sold and printed and available from these mega book dealers.

Today the landscape has changed for publishers, retailers, wholesalers, and writers. "Writers have more options than ever before to bring a book to market." They have those choices because the consumer is changing their buying habits when it comes to the purchase of original works, books that is. The consumer is driving more content into digital format because it is cheaper to buy, easier to buy, comes from one platform, and an impulse to buy makes it more profitable for the writers who self publish. There are more pay to edit publishers than ever before and the numbers of new release titles will skyrocket for the foreseeable future.

My own first work is available to be read (at least a good portion of it) right from its fan page on Facebook. "Marketing has come to the author in a big way."

Before the internet, at least before amazon, writer's who have to go from bookstore to bookstore pushing their words. Conventions and speaking engagements gave writer's a place to market themselves and their books. Now, Facebook, and Twitter dominate. It's like a virtual convention whenever you turn on the computer. If you don;t have at least 50 friends to tell your story to, then you haven't met the internet lately, and as an author, you are doing yourself a disservice. Get your name, your title, your story online and you might be able to stop worrying about what publisher is going to pick up your next work. Maybe you can do a better job of promoting yourself and your book and now you really have the tools to do just that.

Facebook

"I'm not going to tell you how to use Facebook but I will tell you that you can do more with that site than make your own personal profile page. There are fan pages that you can make for each title you have, or make a collection page that people can come and follow. Pay for adverts that will bring in more followers and readers will follow that information to your point of sale.

"Now where is your point of sale?"

"Put it on your own website and sell it to your network." Do it like that and you keep everything. While publishers will cut you a royalty percentage, imagine if you could market yourself well enough to drive traffic into your own site, sell the digital copy through email or digital reading script, .pdf, or bound and covered through the mail. You get the best returns but you have to be the one driving sales.

"You can have your cake and eat it to with the right combination of virtual publishing and marketing combined with in store sales of your titles in bookstores like Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, and the other popular book stores. Online and off, you can get a bigger return on investment when you do as much of the work yourself. It ensures you of the best percentages, you get to keep the most rights to your works, and you will be able to see a future in royalties with the digital text industry booming into 2015.

So, write a damn book if you're out of work. Publish it yourself if you're so inclined. Get the story down on paper and then turn it digital to take your earnings into the future with every new title you write.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Geng Yin

Gen Yin

I sometimes find myself researching myself. If anyone should know me as well as the internet does, then I decided I would like to know what the internet knew. The internet knows that I was born in January, 1968. The internet knows my address and my telephone number ("well it thinks it does anyways."), and its advertisers know what my preferences are better than me.

If I was an alarmist, I would be scared about how much those nasty advertisers know about me. If I were "average", I wouldn't have to really worry, would I? The average person spends 4 hours a week online, while I toil years away trying to figure out how to turn this keyboard into an ATM. If I'm not worried about those damn advertisers than really, why all the hoopla about who knows what?

This whining is brought to you by the government, who at this very moment is planning on inking the next set of advertising regulations that can place your private information in more danger than it is right now. The truth of the matter is, than when you have to sort through information to decide what is "right" or "wrong", you are analyzing that information more than any algorithym that produces your advertising results today. The idea is "progressive", and you should know that the government could be planning to overwhelm the internet so that they can "fundeamentally" change it. "It's what progressives do when they are hard at work doing what they do".

So who knows me the best? Me? You? The government? I can safely say "nobody" knows me better than my own natural profile of dates and times and the freekin stars, I say this because this year is Gen Yin, "The year of the White Tiger" and this year is the perfect year to get what I want the most, productivity that pays.

The Year of the Tiger begins on February 14th 2010. It is a metal year. and as the stars will have it, if you want to accomplish something big, then this is the perfect year to get it done. I know more about myself than I did before I started this morning, so here is my Chinese New Year Resolution for Geng Yin 2010, the Year of the White Tiger. I will create enough of my own content ot begin my personal library of fiction and non fiction books and articles that will continue to produce revenues long after they are written.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

01/08/10 "Publishing will never be the same."

"When the Shit Hits the Fan Which Way Will Your Fan be Pointed?" Private, On-demand content available now.

Powerfitz.com will host all the chapters of "Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell" plus the subsequent volumes produced by authors writing for Powerfitz.com. Our servers are designed for content produced for the web that is owned by the authors and copyright under the rules governing publicly branded orginal content. "The Flesh Farewell" trilogy will be available from the Powerfitz servers upon request, and will soon be ready for uploading onto any digital reader, Google document, or directly in your browser in website format.

"We welcome you to ask for the latest chapters emailed directly to your inbox. Subscribe to the original content posted here by sending an email to Powerfitz with "NEXT CHAPTER" as the subject so we know what to do with the request."



Thursday, January 7, 2010

Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell Chapter 2

Carne Vale by FD Walsh


Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell, Book #1 on Facebook

Rick Waters left town with a carnival to escape the sentence handed down on his twenty first birthday by a judge in Palmer. He was going to be free, but at what cost.

Chapter Two

The road from the courthouse to Ludlow was ten miles long and followed the Chicopee River West. It crosses water three times on its way towards Rick's home and the first bridge was just a mile down the road from the courtroom in Three Rivers.

Rick stopped to look over the edge. Below, the Quabog river meets up with the Swift and Ware, spilling together into the Chicopee behind the Tampax factory that many of the villagers relied on for a living. Below the bridge the waters of the Quabog were low and you could see much of the limestone riverbed that would contain the waters when they were high. There is no dam here, and the rivers cut holes and pockets into the stone as it pools above the flat surface of the limestone.

Trees cling to the sides of the river bank precariously situated in between the river and the village's buildings. Here, three rivers converge into one, on their way to Long Island Sound by way of the Connecticut River. The rivers were low because the winter had been warm. Each day the sun had come up and melted what ice had formed at the edge of the river at night and now it was gone. With the sun beginning to wane in the sky Rick realized that unless he got moving he would still be on the road after dark. He began to walk West, not wanting to stay at the edge of the railing for much longer unless to test his own will to continue now that his future was out of his control.

The youngest of four, Rick had inherited the best of both parents, one Irish and one French. His baby face was handsome and his thick black hair was unruly, like him. His eyes were blue and gray. Some days they were the deepest blue and on others they were a pale, slate gray. He had known that his eyes were special, they had captivated people in the past. Strangers would stop and say the nicest things or look deeply into them and smile.

His parents were each born into large families that had overcome the ravages of depression to achieve the new American dream. Irish, Portuguese, and Polish families moved to Ludlow to begin their own American dream and Rick's dad brought his young family to Ludlow for its schools and clean neighborhoods. When Rick was three his died in a car accident and as he grew up from child to boy he couldn't stop thinking about how different his life would be if only his father were still alive.

There had been a long list of counselors to get over the loss, or to get over drinking. His past was littered with appointments made and missed. The state had ordered his attendance at various group meetings to learn about his behavior and how it was affecting his life. The whole idea was to give a drunk something to do so he doesn't drink, right? After all, how good can it be for a guy to continuously talk about something in order not do it? It eludes me how that's supposed to work.

In the meetings he had attended in the past Rick would describe his past as if it were someone else.

"I have love in my life."

"I love ice cream, that's a love."

"I love my dog more than I do ice cream, there's emotion involved."

"I sometimes have no idea what love is all about."

"I heard it at home but didn't quite believe it."

"I love you."

"Your mother screwed us all." My oldest brother would say. he stopped loving too. He stopped so hard that he fell into depression and desperation and sorrow. He was, after all, only 12. He was in the car the night his father died, "Wasn't he?" You would have to ask him yourself if you can find him.

"Your mother is your Mother." That's my other brother, the middle child. Just enough opinion to hurt himself with his own words. The middle child goes unreported, undiscovered. This son made it. Made it through his life not without trouble, strife, fights, obscene drunkenness, but without the legal issues which can takes days, months, and years from those who do it differently.

"You just leave your mother out of this." There she is, the oldest child and only daughter. I do not care if you eat green eggs and ham, I just don't give a damn. She was lucky to be the first to leave the house. Ten years my senior, There's not much interaction, attraction, or loss. The opinion I have today is that she could have done better. On the inside.

No matter where we were there was loss for me. The days of my youth were appropriately filled with enough joy to consider it a happy childhood, but life is only as good as we believe it is and for me life was just a procession of days and nights and months and years where I wished for a moment that he was there. I had dreams and visions and pain that would fall upon me and push away my love. Push it back to a place where it became lust, where it became desire. My desire to never want to love again was strong.

My life as a teenager was spent doing what I wanted to do. By now, the home that I shared with my mother and my brother was more a hotel than a home. The rarity of having the three of us together at once inside the walls was staggering. While mom worked and my brother had his friends, I had mine. In the neighborhood, exploring around town, starting trouble with a neighbor or something like that, in a place where everyone knew your name I was nameless and the days progressed. I believe something was happening inside of me, or something was not happening inside of me. I learned to care less than I should. I let the lack of caring take me down paths I should not have gone. I could have been the best at something early on in life but I was not.

I was sixteen and on my way to Texas for the second time. It had been decided that a trip to Texas would fix all the problems I was dealing with at home. My grades were a mess. Summer school in Houston was supposed to fix me up and get me back on track. But my body was searching for my first experience, and during that summer I got exactly what I wanted.

It was a great summer for most of the time I was in Houston. I did exactly what I wanted to do outside of attending and passing the summer school program at Cy Creek. I did what was expected of me and I did more than that. That was the summer of my first sexual encounters with a woman. She had platinum hair and a funny smile and she let me in. She let me in whenever I could. She let me whenever I should not. She let me in and let me in and never thought about the day I would leave. Until it was close and the questions about what we were supposed to do were real. Now she says she's pregnant. Now she wants me more than ever before and I'm not sure what to want. My love was not for her but for the experience. I wanted to stay. I ran away and stayed in an abandoned house just wanting to stay. I did not stay though, and she was not pregnant. I was found and shipped home early. Love eluded for the first time.

Back home things quickly became usual again. By now it was just me and mom in the house. I was happy for that adjustment and I do not know if it happened before, or after I came home from Texas, but now that Brennan had been married and moved out, I began to notice that there was more that I wanted and had no plan to achieve than I ever realized before. Now was the time I should have been working on getting ahead, but I decided to stay the same. Just wanting something I could not have. My love deluded me.

I stopped caring again. It was easy to do. The things that should come naturally did not. Jobs, independence, friends, they all belonged to someone else. I worked and got fired for lack of caring, or lack of attendance. My first attempt at getting my driver's license I went the wrong way into the DMV parking and failed. These were the years that my path led me the most. But now I see it was me. I kept myself from achieving by not caring enough to succeed, to persevere. I had a crutch and I was using it on the inside. Whenever I could I would smoke to get high, drink to get drunk, and if I could do it with a friend I was satisfied. I had given enough already, and I just wanted to do what I wanted to do.

"As the arrival of a new year is approaching fast, I have been working hard to include you into everything that is important." "Get ready to have special access to the content that Powerfitz will be producing in 2010, and for anyone who subscribes to our content, you will get VIP treatment from all of the Powerfitz Publishing brands."

The Flesh Farewell Trilogy Began 11/01/09

November was National Novel Writing Month and the folks at Nanowrimo attracted more novelists than ever before, Powerfitz author FD Walsh included. Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell was created during the competition and since winning the event held at Nanowrimo, Powerfitz Publishing has been hard at work inserting chapters from the book on the web for free. To read Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell, Book #1 on Facebook



Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell Chapter 2

Carne Vale by FD Walsh


Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell, Book #1 on Facebook

Rick Waters left town with a carnival to escape the sentence handed down on his twenty first birthday by a judge in Palmer. He was going to be free, but at what cost.

Chapter Two

The road from the courthouse to Ludlow was ten miles long and followed the Chicopee River West. It crosses water three times on its way towards Rick's home and the first bridge was just a mile down the road from the courtroom in Three Rivers.

Rick stopped to look over the edge. Below, the Quabog river meets up with the Swift and Ware, spilling together into the Chicopee behind the Tampax factory that many of the villagers relied on for a living. Below the bridge the waters of the Quabog were low and you could see much of the limestone riverbed that would contain the waters when they were high. There is no dam here, and the rivers cut holes and pockets into the stone as it pools above the flat surface of the limestone.

Trees cling to the sides of the river bank precariously situated in between the river and the village's buildings. Here, three rivers converge into one, on their way to Long Island Sound by way of the Connecticut River. The rivers were low because the winter had been warm. Each day the sun had come up and melted what ice had formed at the edge of the river at night and now it was gone. With the sun beginning to wane in the sky Rick realized that unless he got moving he would still be on the road after dark. He began to walk West, not wanting to stay at the edge of the railing for much longer unless to test his own will to continue now that his future was out of his control.

The youngest of four, Rick had inherited the best of both parents, one Irish and one French. His baby face was handsome and his thick black hair was unruly, like him. His eyes were blue and gray. Some days they were the deepest blue and on others they were a pale, slate gray. He had known that his eyes were special, they had captivated people in the past. Strangers would stop and say the nicest things or look deeply into them and smile.

His parents were each born into large families that had overcome the ravages of depression to achieve the new American dream. Irish, Portuguese, and Polish families moved to Ludlow to begin their own American dream and Rick's dad brought his young family to Ludlow for its schools and clean neighborhoods. When Rick was three his died in a car accident and as he grew up from child to boy he couldn't stop thinking about how different his life would be if only his father were still alive.

There had been a long list of counselors to get over the loss, or to get over drinking. His past was littered with appointments made and missed. The state had ordered his attendance at various group meetings to learn about his behavior and how it was affecting his life. The whole idea was to give a drunk something to do so he doesn't drink, right? After all, how good can it be for a guy to continuously talk about something in order not do it? It eludes me how that's supposed to work.

In the meetings he had attended in the past Rick would describe his past as if it were someone else.

"I have love in my life."

"I love ice cream, that's a love."

"I love my dog more than I do ice cream, there's emotion involved."

"I sometimes have no idea what love is all about."

"I heard it at home but didn't quite believe it."

"I love you."

"Your mother screwed us all." My oldest brother would say. he stopped loving too. He stopped so hard that he fell into depression and desperation and sorrow. He was, after all, only 12. He was in the car the night his father died, "Wasn't he?" You would have to ask him yourself if you can find him.

"Your mother is your Mother." That's my other brother, the middle child. Just enough opinion to hurt himself with his own words. The middle child goes unreported, undiscovered. This son made it. Made it through his life not without trouble, strife, fights, obscene drunkenness, but without the legal issues which can takes days, months, and years from those who do it differently.

"You just leave your mother out of this." There she is, the oldest child and only daughter. I do not care if you eat green eggs and ham, I just don't give a damn. She was lucky to be the first to leave the house. Ten years my senior, There's not much interaction, attraction, or loss. The opinion I have today is that she could have done better. On the inside.

No matter where we were there was loss for me. The days of my youth were appropriately filled with enough joy to consider it a happy childhood, but life is only as good as we believe it is and for me life was just a procession of days and nights and months and years where I wished for a moment that he was there. I had dreams and visions and pain that would fall upon me and push away my love. Push it back to a place where it became lust, where it became desire. My desire to never want to love again was strong.

My life as a teenager was spent doing what I wanted to do. By now, the home that I shared with my mother and my brother was more a hotel than a home. The rarity of having the three of us together at once inside the walls was staggering. While mom worked and my brother had his friends, I had mine. In the neighborhood, exploring around town, starting trouble with a neighbor or something like that, in a place where everyone knew your name I was nameless and the days progressed. I believe something was happening inside of me, or something was not happening inside of me. I learned to care less than I should. I let the lack of caring take me down paths I should not have gone. I could have been the best at something early on in life but I was not.

I was sixteen and on my way to Texas for the second time. It had been decided that a trip to Texas would fix all the problems I was dealing with at home. My grades were a mess. Summer school in Houston was supposed to fix me up and get me back on track. But my body was searching for my first experience, and during that summer I got exactly what I wanted.

It was a great summer for most of the time I was in Houston. I did exactly what I wanted to do outside of attending and passing the summer school program at Cy Creek. I did what was expected of me and I did more than that. That was the summer of my first sexual encounters with a woman. She had platinum hair and a funny smile and she let me in. She let me in whenever I could. She let me whenever I should not. She let me in and let me in and never thought about the day I would leave. Until it was close and the questions about what we were supposed to do were real. Now she says she's pregnant. Now she wants me more than ever before and I'm not sure what to want. My love was not for her but for the experience. I wanted to stay. I ran away and stayed in an abandoned house just wanting to stay. I did not stay though, and she was not pregnant. I was found and shipped home early. Love eluded for the first time.

Back home things quickly became usual again. By now it was just me and mom in the house. I was happy for that adjustment and I do not know if it happened before, or after I came home from Texas, but now that Brennan had been married and moved out, I began to notice that there was more that I wanted and had no plan to achieve than I ever realized before. Now was the time I should have been working on getting ahead, but I decided to stay the same. Just wanting something I could not have. My love deluded me.

I stopped caring again. It was easy to do. The things that should come naturally did not. Jobs, independence, friends, they all belonged to someone else. I worked and got fired for lack of caring, or lack of attendance. My first attempt at getting my driver's license I went the wrong way into the DMV parking and failed. These were the years that my path led me the most. But now I see it was me. I kept myself from achieving by not caring enough to succeed, to persevere. I had a crutch and I was using it on the inside. Whenever I could I would smoke to get high, drink to get drunk, and if I could do it with a friend I was satisfied. I had given enough already, and I just wanted to do what I wanted to do.

"As the arrival of a new year is approaching fast, I have been working hard to include you into everything that is important." "Get ready to have special access to the content that Powerfitz will be producing in 2010, and for anyone who subscribes to our content, you will get VIP treatment from all of the Powerfitz Publishing brands."

The Flesh Farewell Trilogy Began 11/01/09

November was National Novel Writing Month and the folks at Nanowrimo attracted more novelists than ever before, Powerfitz author FD Walsh included. Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell was created during the competition and since winning the event held at Nanowrimo, Powerfitz Publishing has been hard at work inserting chapters from the book on the web for free. To read Carne Vale - Flesh Farewell, Book #1 on Facebook